Chapter X: To Wish Or Not To Wish
Jade was dreaming again. This time she knew it. The mist hung heavy in the air, just as before. Ruby emerged wearing her hospital gown. Her face was pale and her hair was a tangled mess. She appeared as Jade saw her that first day in the hospital.
“Hi, Jade.” Ruby appeared from the fog like a magician coming out from behind the stage curtain. She smiled a big, fake grin as she approached.
A chill ran down Jade’s spine. Only Maya had such a creepy smile.
“Hi, Ruby,” Jade replied with tension in her voice.
For the first time ever she felt uneasy around her friend. She looked around for an exit, like she was in a theater.
“You’re losing it, Jade.” Ruby said this with glee in her voice.
“What do you mean?”
“Cutting up on yourself like that? That’s crazy! You’re crazy!”
Ruby took a few steps forward, Jade a step back.
“Here, crazy girl. How ‘bout a straight jacket?”
From out of nowhere, Ruby produced a straight jacket. It was like in a cartoon, where a character would pull some object seemingly out of the air. One moment, Ruby was empty-handed and the next she was carrying a straight jacket.
She took a few more steps closer to Jade, who took another step back.
Ruby held the jacket out in front of her. “Here, crazy girl. Here’s your straight jacket. Put in on crazy girl.” She tried to forcibly put it on Jade.
“No!”
“Here’s your jacket, crazy girl! Crazy girl! Crazy girl! You’re a crazy girl! Crazy!”
“No!” Jade screamed again. Then she woke up.
Jade opened her eyes. She was in her bed again. Her heavy breathing began to return to normal. She wiped cold sweat off her brow.
“Good morning, sunshine.”
Jade looked up to find that her mother was in the room. “Mom, what are you…?”
“Doing here? You should ask yourself that same question.”
It was then that Jade noticed her arms. They were all bandaged up. A long piece of gauze wound around each one, covering the wounds. The ends were fastened to the rest of the dressing with a little piece of surgical tape.
“It’s a good thing I keep a first-aid kit in the house.”
Examining her arms, Jade began to recall the events of the night before. She finally remembered that she had not fallen asleep in her bed.
“You carried me up here.” It was not a question, but a revelation.
“Yes, and changed your clothes and cleaned you up, and tucked you into bed.”
“I threw up on myself. Didn’t I?”
“And wet yourself, too.”
Jade felt suddenly embarrassed. Her face felt warm, and she was sure she was she blushing.
As if reading her thoughts, Jade’s mom added, “Don’t feel embarrassed. I took care of you when you were little, too”
“That was a long time ago.”
“Not so long for me. Even though it’s been sixteen years, you’re still my little girl. You always will be.”
Jade sat up in her bed. As if responding to her mother’s cue, she sat on her legs, leaning forward with her arms resting on her lap, as she had done when she was a little girl. Actually, to this day she still sat that way, at times. “Mommy, how long have you been here?”
Mommy smiled slightly at her daughter’s regressed behavior. “All night. I slept sitting up, here on your desk chair. Not too comfy.”
“Why?”
“Not enough padding, I think. And it’s hard to sleep sitting up anyway.”
Jade let out a little laugh. She wasn’t sure if her mom was joking or being serious. “No, I mean…why did you stay here all night? Why didn’t you go to bed?”
“I didn’t want to leave your side.”
“You weren’t mad?”
“No. I was scared. I didn’t want to leave you alone.”
Jade said nothing. She had never heard her mom admit to fear before. Her mother never got scared.
“Then I got mad. After I was scared.”
“I’m sorry.” Jade lowered her eyes.
“Not at you.”
She looked up again. “What?”
“This isn’t your fault. It’s mine.”
Again Jade was speechless. Now her mom was admitting she did something wrong. That, too, had never happened as long as Jade could remember. Mom was never wrong. Jade had her head down again, lost in thought. She looked up, let out a sigh, and let her eyes wander around the room. For the first time, she noticed her alarm clock. It read 09:30 AM. She looked back at her mother. “I’m late for school.”
“No, you’re not.”
Jade gave her mother a puzzled look.
“I called your school and told them you were sick. I’ll write you an excuse tomorrow.”
“What about you? Are you sick, too?”
Jade’s mom let a smile sneak onto her face. “No, I told them I’d be late.”
Jade frowned. She let herself hope, just for a moment, that she’d get a day alone with mom.
Reading her daughter’s mind again, she added, “Don’t worry. Well, do something this weekend. Just you and me.”
Jade nodded.
“Well, I should get ready for work. Want me to make you some oatmeal before I leave?”
“Yeah, thanks,” Jade replied with enthusiasm.
“Okay. And when I get back tonight, we need to have a talk.”
Jade swallowed. She lowered her head again.
“Don’t worry, you’re not in trouble. It’ll be a good talk. One we both need to have.” She gave her daughter a reassuring smile, then added, “I’ll go start your oatmeal.” She turned to leave, but Jade interrupted her departure.
“Mom?”
Jade’s mother turned back around. “Yeah?”
“Thanks for taking care of me.” She paused just a second, then added, “I love you.”
“Hey, that’s what moms do.” With that she turned and left the room. Jade got out of bed to get dressed.
Jade found her oatmeal already in a bowl on the kitchen counter when she came downstairs. She put a hand about an inch from her breakfast. It was still hot. There was a post-it note stuck on the counter right in front of the bowl. It read: I love you, too. She smiled. She walked over to the fridge, a bounce in her step. She took out butter and milk. She got brown sugar from the pantry. Mixing the concoction together, she hummed a happy tune. She brought her piping-hot sugary, buttery oatmeal goodness out to the living room, along with a tall glass of 100% Florida orange juice, not from concentrate.
She set her oatmeal down on the coffee table and picked up the TV remote. She flipped to Nickelodeon. Instead of Fairly Odd-Parents, though, there was something else on today.
“This can’t be Nick. I must have hit the wrong numbers.”
She punched in 300 again, the channel for Nickelodeon, but the same thing came up again. A leather chair in front of a small circular table, all in front of a background designed to look like an office. Jade could tell it was just a set, and not really someone’s study.
And now, Shadow Productions presents, for your viewing pleasure, another episode of The Iblis Show.
“Huh?” Jade had been about to change the channel again, but stayed her button-pressing finger.
And now, your host: Iblis.
The shadowman walked onto the set. His silhouette made it appear that he was wearing some sort of smoking jacket. He looked to have a pipe sticking out of his mouth. Iblis sat down on the leather chair, facing the camera. He removed the pipe from his lips, holding it in a sophisticated manner.
“Good morning, ladies and gentleman. My name is Iblis, and I have an important message for you. Are you human? Are you sixteenyears old? Is your name Jade O’Mara? Are you missing your Iblis?”
Jade smiled and nodded. “I do miss you,” she said to the TV. She took a bite of her oatmeal.
“You do?” asked Iblis. He got out of his chair and walked right up to the camera. His face filled the screen. Suddenly, the Shadowman stuck his head right out of the TV, staring directly at Jade. The rest of him was still in the TV. It appeared as if her were leaning out an opened window. “Well, why didn’t you say so?”
Jade swallowed hard her bite of oatmeal just as Iblis was giving a new meaning to HDTV. Some of it went down the wrong pipe and she started coughing up bits of her breakfast.
“Did we forget how to eat?” asked Iblis. He floated the rest of himself completely out the TV and sat down on the couch next to Jade, who continued on like she was going to cough up a lung. “Have some orange juice. It might help.”
Jade gulped down some OJ and seemed to be better. “How’d you do that?”
“What? The TV thing? I’m a Shadowman. I can do anything.” He paused for a moment in reflection, then added, “Well, almost anything.”
Jade looked at the TV. It was back to Fairly Odd-Parents. Vicky was torturing Timmy Turner.
“Weird.”
“What happened here?” asked Iblis, pointing to Jade’s arms.
“Uh, nothing.” Jade folded her arms, hiding the bandages.
“Bandaged limbs are never ‘nothing.’”
Jade did not reply. She tried to avoid the Shadowman’s gaze.
“I wasn’t born yesterday, Jade. I’m older than dirt.”
Jade looked up, a puzzled expression on her face.
“Alright, God created dirt first, but then me soon after. You humans were last.”
Jade still said nothing.
“Well?!”
“I cut myself, alright?!”
“I don’t know. Is it all right?”
“No. Not really.” Jade said this quietly, almost a whisper.
“A turkey is for carving. Not arms.”
“I was really drunk.”
“Oh, well that excuses everything.”
“Look, I made a mistake, okay?! Why are you giving me shit?!”
“I will never understand human behavior. God gives you everything. Everything. And you take a knife to it?”
“It was a piece of broken glass.”
“Even worse.”
“I’m sorry.” Jade hung her head in shame.
Iblis shook his head. “Take off your bandages, please.”
Jade did as she was told and carefully removed the gauze wrapping from each arm. The cuts now exposed, she held them out for inspection. Iblis looked them over. If the Shadowman could make facial expressions, Jade imagined it would be one of disgust.
“That looks terrible. I cannot bear to see such pretty arms looking like a cutting board.”
Iblis put his shadowy hands over Jade’s arms.
A sudden burst of very bright light shot out from the space in between the Shadowman’s hands and Jade’s cut-up arms, temporarily blinding her. She shut her eyes tight, and could feel heat over the wounds. Her skin felt warm, like Icy-Hot. The light faded and Jade opened her eyes. Iblis removed his hands and Jade could see that her cuts were completely healed. There were no scars. It was as if she had never taken glass to flesh.
“That’s better,” said Iblis with what Jade could imagine was a smile. “Beautiful again.”
“My arms?” she asked, staring in wonder at her previously mutilated limbs.
“Do you not appreciate anything the good Lord made for you? Is the human body not perfect in every way?”
“Not mine,” replied Jade, looking down at her chest.
“Teenage girls!” replied Iblis, exasperated. He shook his head. “Why did humans have to invent adolescence?”
Jade just looked at him with an uncomprehending stare.
“I give up!” He threw up his hands. Changing tactics, Iblis crossed his legs and rested his head on a hand. He stared into Jade’s eyes and asked, “So, what is new in Jade’s world?”
“Adam rejected me,” she replied, lowering her head again.
“Is that the boy your friend Ruby likes?”
Still staring at her lap, Jade said, “And he likes her. And not me.”
“I am sorry, Jade. Your first crush?”
Jade nodded.
“The first is always the worst. I can imagine how this must hurt. But life goes on. One day you’ll be able to look back on this and laugh.”
Tears were now streaming down Jade’s cheeks. “I can’t bear the thought of him with anyone else but me.”
“Yes, it will take some time to get over this. But you will. There will be other boys. And much better than this one, I’m sure.”
Jade looked up and into the Shadowman’s glowing eyes once again. “I don’t want other boys! I want Adam!” she insisted.
Iblis uncrossed his legs. He leaned back slightly and let out a sigh. “Jade, sweetheart, let him go.”
“I can’t!” Jade was sobbing now.
Iblis did not reply. He sat there and let her vent. She buried her face in her eyes and cried for about a minute.
Finally, she looked up and asked, “You can make him love me? Can’t you?”
“Not a good idea.”
“But you can do it, right?”
“Jade,” Iblis leaned forward, “do you remember what happened the last time you used my power?”
“You’re avoiding the question,” challenged Jade. “That means you can do it.”
“Of course I can. But that’s not the point.” He sat up straight, making himself look a little taller. “Severe consequences are what you face if you use me again.”
Jade almost thought she heard a “young lady” attached to the end of that last sentence. “Like what?”
“What happened last time?”
“Ruby tried to kill herself.”
“And?”
“And I started seeing auras. And ghosts. The other day I even saw a faerie in the backyard. Not a fake Cottingly cut-out, but a real one.”
“Yes, they do exist,” confirmed Iblis. “And leprechauns, too. Just not here. You have to go to Ireland to see those creatures. I told you before, your third eye is opened now. Now you can see much more of reality than most other people.”
“It was horrible, Iblis. It’s still horrible. I still see that freaky ghost-girl, Maya, at school. She’s so evil. She brings the worst out of me.”
“Yeah, she is a bitch.”
“Will it be more of that?”
“Worse.”
“What can be worse than Maya?”
“Well, it’s hard to say exactly, but you’ll probably lose track of time.”
“That doesn’t sound so bad.”
“It’s not like having a broken watch, Jade. It’s more like not knowing what day it is, or even what year.”
“So I’ll be crazy?” Jade asked with a panicked look on her face.
“Technically, no,” corrected Iblis, holding up a finger, “but it can make you crazy.”
“I don’t want that!”
“I know you don’t.”
“Yeah, but what’ll I do?” asked Jade. Now she leaned back, her head resting up against the couch and staring at the ceiling. She let out a deep sigh.
“Whatever works,” replied the Shadowman. “Cry. Write out your feelings. Talk it out. There are many ways to cope with loss.”
“I just don’t think I can live without him.” She started to tear up again.
“Why? What is it about this boy? I’ve seen him. Not bad looking as far as teenage boys go, but really, he doesn’t seem like anything special.”
Jade sat up. She dried her eyes with her hand. She looked Iblis in his glowing red eyes. She had to defend her crush.
“Adam’s new to the valley. He’s only been here six months. When I first saw him, I thought the same as you, Iblis. Nothing special. I saw how he dressed and I thought, ‘great, another stupid Goth kid.’ And I noticed that necklace he always wears. At first, I thought it was a pentacle. I thought, ‘Crystal will love this. I’ll bet he doesn’t know the first thing about Neo-Paganism. He’s just trying to be a rebel. Thinks he’s being different.’ Then I realized it wasn’t a pentacle. It was something else. I went home and Googled ‘star’ cause it looks like a star. I found out it was called a Star of David. That means he’s…”
“Jewish,” finished Iblis. “Yes, I know that symbol well.”
“Yeah, so then I realized he really is a rebel.”
“Ah, a bad boy.”
“No, not really. He’s not bad at all. I heard he’s Orthodox. That means he keeps the Sabbath and eats kosher. So he’s really very much a goody-goody in his culture. But he’s just so brave to wear that thing out in the open. Some kids don’t like him because he’s Jewish. Some people are, what do you call it, anti-Semitic?”
“He’s proud of who he is. And yes, that’s the right terminology. Sounds like you did your homework.”
“Yeah, I think he’s one of only a handful of Jews in our school. Phoenix is only 5% Jewish, according to the 2000 census. I looked that up, too.”
“You’re quite a nerd.”
“Yeah, I know. Sad, isn’t it?”
Iblis shrugged. “Could be worse. You could be a heretic during the Inquisition.”
“Yeah, anyway, it was then that I fell in love with him. He was just so…different.”
Iblis stood up. He walked a few paces away from the couch. He turned back around and looked at Jade. His glowing eyes seemed to bore right through her. “I see,” he began.
“See what?”
“No, I get it. I get it. You want someone to rescue you.” He pointed at Jade as he emphasized the word “you.”
“Rescue me?” asked Jade, perplexed. Where was he going with this?
“Yes. You’re looking for your knight-in-shining-armor to come and whisk you away and give you a new life. Adam’s Jewish. Different lifestyle. Could be exciting. Certainly different from your current dreary existence.”
“My existence is not…’dreary,’” Jade pouted.
“Yes, I can barely contain my excitement,” mocked Iblis, “when I see you eating your Spaghettios and watching that talking sponge. What an interesting life.”
“SpongeBob.”
“Whatever. Anyway, it’s not just you. All American females are like that, now. You’ve all been tainted by fairytales. You’re all waiting for your ‘Happily Ever After.’”
“Forget ‘Happily Ever After,’” retorted Jade, “I just want someone to notice me.”
“Yeah, a someone named Adam Schwartz. You’d be disappointed if it was someone else. You pointed to him and said, ‘I want that one!’ and you can’t imagine being with anyone else.”
Jade said nothing. She sat with her arms folded, an angry look on her face. Iblis had hit a nerve.
“Oh how about this for a novel idea,” he continued, “staying single!” It’s not as bad as it sounds. And for you, it wouldn’t be any different from your current status quo anyway. You’re sixteenyears old. You have plenty of time to find the right person.”
“The right person is Adam! I know it!”
“Your still stuck on him. What am I going to do with you? Okay, let’s say you’re right, and maybe you are. If he is the right one, if it’s meant to be, then it will happen. It may take a long time, but if you’re destined to be together, then it will happen eventually. And if you’re not, then it will never be.”
Tears were once more in Jade’s eyes. She just stared at Iblis, looking as though he had just killed her puppy.
After a long pause, the Shadowman asked, “Jade, do you love yourself?”
“What? What kind of a question is that?”
“An important one. Do you love Jade? Do you think she’s an interesting and amazing person? Is she loveable? If the answer is “no,” then no one else will love you either.”
Jade buried her face in her hands again, and the waterworks re-started.
“I don’t mean to make you feel bad, Jade. I know this hurts. Unrequited love always does.”
Jade looked up at Iblis. She wiped her eyes and sniffed up the snot. “I’m sorry, Iblis. What you say makes sense. It just hurts so much.”
“I know, sweetie.” There was genuine caring in his voice. “Jade, do you remember what I told you when you were little?”
“You told me many things when I was little. Most of it I didn’t understand.”
Iblis let out a small chuckle. Jade could imagine he was smiling.
“True. Very true. I was thinking, though, about what I said when that little boy was making fun of you. I said that no one could hurt you unless you let them. I want you to think about that.”
“I remember. And I remember that I said that I loved you.”
“Yes, I remember that, too.”
“I wish I could hug you, Iblis. But you’re just a shadow.”
“Yes, just a shadow. In this dimension, at least.”
Jade looked up at the Shadowman with astonishment. Iblis could see the wheels turning in her mind. She was about to say something. He cut her off.
“You better finish your oatmeal.” He turned and started to float away.
“Iblis?”
He stopped.
“Do you love me, too?”
Without turning back around, he responded, “More than you know, Jade. More than you know. Remember the consequences. Let Adam go. Let him go.”
With that, the Shadowman disappeared in a flash and was gone.
Jade tried in good faith to follow Iblis’ advice. She tried to let Adam go. She tried to tell herself that she was not going to be with him, and that that would be okay. It didn’t work. He seemed to be all around her. She saw him several times throughout the day. In class. At lunch. In the hallway. She saw people and things that made her think of him. She saw the girl, Jennifer, whom she had tried to choke in the bathroom. She saw a poster in the hallway explaining the Jewish holiday of Yom Kippur. It seemed that she could not escape him.
Finally, late in the day, Jade could take it no more. She saw Adam in the hallway in between classes, talking to a new girl. The jealousy squeezed at her heart and made tears well up in her eyes. She ran to the bathroom and sat in the corner to cry, the same corner where she was chocking Adam’s last girl.
“How pathetic.”
Jade looked up and saw Maya floating in front of her. She was looking down on Jade, both literally and figuratively.
“You practically live in here anymore. I’ve never seen a girl cry so much. Are you going to throw up now?” taunted Maya. “You haven’t done that yet today.”
“Shut up, Maya!”
“That’s better! Get angry! Anger is much better than pain and sadness. Anger can help you deal with your pain.”
A tampon lay on the floor next to the dispenser. Jade picked it up and hurled it at Maya. It passed right through her ghostly body and hit the opposite wall.
“Good! Use your aggression.”
Jade banged her head against the wall in frustration. She looked up, seeming to examine the ceiling. “I can’t do this anymore. I need Adam to love me. Iblis, I need you.”
“I’m here, Jade.”
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Subject: Shadowman Chapter X 
Tue Apr 16, 2013 7:00 pm
